just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
