I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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