I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
