A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
