How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
So much rum. So many feels.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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