Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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