I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
