if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
