I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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