I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
