how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
