who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize