arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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