I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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