Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
