Midget sex pt 2 tonight
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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