thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
