My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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