Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
