Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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