Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
