Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
