We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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