you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
