I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
