What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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