Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
