My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
