we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
