I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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