last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
it glows. i had to have it.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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