I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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