He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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