highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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