I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
