I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
