You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
