I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
