Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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