Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
