she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
