How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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