wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
