The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize