if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize