it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Randomize
