I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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