sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
