She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
