New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
