I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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