Well douche your snatch and let's go!
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize