I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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