is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
