He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
