Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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