someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
