i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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