Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
