That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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