This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
