He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
