Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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