I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
